Deviation Actions
Literature Text
I was getting really fucking tired of waking up and wishing everything that had happened had been a nightmare. Not the whole dying or pony thing; I was already aware of that. I couldn't really deny my current situation when I had spent multiple days in this new world. Well, I guess it had been my world all along, I had just been unaware of it.
No, what I wished had been the nightmare was the entire interaction I had last night with Princess Luna. Or was it Sarah? I didn't fucking know anymore. All I knew was that when I woke up, it wasn't peacefully. My eyes shot open and I leapt up, frantically searching around for somewhere to hide. I didn't even know what I was hiding from, but I wanted to be invisible. The room I had been placed in was large but pretty much empty except for a bed and a few dressers. Without any other idea, I jumped off the bed and landed roughly on the crystal floor. I was sure I was making a ruckus, but I didn't care at that point. My body spun around on its own and flung itself to the ground, straight under the bed. It took a few seconds to squirm my way completely under, but I had managed. Now that my body was safe, my mind started to remind me of everything that had just happened.
I was just a character from a show brought to life with magic.
I was unstable, and freaking out too much could possibly make me blow up.
Sarah was actually an ungodly powerful alicorn princess.
She had told me everything while I was under the influence of a forceful calming spell so that I would accept everything easier.
She had gotten me to take her back after she left me, also while under said calming spell. Wasn't that eerily close to mind rape?
She had gotten pissed at me for kissing some ponies on their heads after I thought she didn't want me anymore.
She had punished me by feminizing me for a whole night. I had been trapped in my head, in a form that I didn't like.
And man, that forceful calming spell thing, that was shit. Who had been doing that? Oh, yeah, fucking Twilight. Why had she taken away my conscious consent like that...? I mean...I know they had to keep me from blowing up and all, but still. They had sprung so much information on me and forced me to just...be fine with it. This was all...fuck it. I felt like screaming, so I did.
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Well, that felt good. But now I was faced with another problem: I was shaking uncontrollably and sobbing. When did that start? I guess it had been a long time coming...I had tried my best to just accept everything and move on, but it just...mounted up after awhile. I tried to relax, but have you ever actually tried to relax? It's a fucking paradox. Jokes could only keep me running for so long before I broke down. Cuddles helped a bunch but now I was without any. My family would...
Oh.
They weren't even real.
Never were.
It was finally hitting me. Mom wasn't real. Dad was just an idea. Emily was created to be a part of my story. The only real thing I had ever known was Sarah, and even she was just a pony wearing a human outfit. Everything had been a lie. I probably shouldn't have even been here. Would it be better if I just went back to the head of the pony who thought me up?
As I continued my internal rant, I became vaguely aware of something odd. The bed I was hiding under was shaking slightly, the sheets being blown around. Even the air around it was acting weird. It was like those weird heat lines you see over things when the sun's out. This wasn't the strange thing, though.
I was seeing it from above. My vision...it...wasn't with me. It was like I was in third-person, looking down at my trembling body. As the bed picked up motion and my body shook harder, I felt like I was drifting farther away from it. The noise from the scene was becoming more and more muted. The light was starting to fade...or was it? It might have just been me. Oh, boy. Tunnel vision. I just hope nobody left any TVs around to swallow me. Heh...
The second weird thing started to happen. I could just barely hear a voice...it was distant, at first. But the farther away my vision drifted from my body, the clearer the voice became. It was...too familiar.
"I just hope he didn't know who I was...who knows what he would do to me? I killed him!"
No...it couldn't be. That voice...
Mom?
No, it's not, it can't...but...it was...
"I know I'll have to talk to him! But...not right now, okay?"
She sounded scared about something. What was happening? Did it involve me somehow? This wasn't making any sense! I was so sure Mom wasn't real...maybe...she...could she be real, too? Like Sarah? The voice was getting closer now.
"I know, Bon-Bon...but I just...can't..."
Bon-Bon? Who the fuck was Bon-Bon? I didn't fucking know, but I didn't care. If my mom was there, I wanted to be there with her! Please, just let me get a little bit closer...any moment...
"Oh sweet Celestia, Ryan!"
Oh, great. Another voice wanted me. What do you want now, other voice? This one was too far away to recognize, but-
"RYAN!"
HOLY FUCK!
With a flash of light, I was sucked away from the voice of my mom and pulled back to where I had been hiding. Goddamn it, that was Twilight's voice! What did she just do?! I had been so close...and- uh...what the shit? What happened to this room? I was just here a few moments ago, but in that time, it looked like a fire had broken out. The bed that my body was under was pretty much gone. Only a few burnt splinters were left scattered around. I was still looking down at myself, but the light that had pulled me away from Mom was still sucking me closer to my body. Oh, great. More magic taking control over me. Fucking perfect. Just what I needed.
With one more bright flash, my vision was clicked firmly back into my own body. It took a moment, but the pain hit.
OUCH.
My skin felt charred. My muscles felt like that had been torn apart and hastily pushed back together. My whole body felt sore...and naked. Wait, naked? Like, no clothes at all, bare-ass naked? ...Yup. Clothes were gone. Twilight, what did you do?!
The first breath I took after regaining my body was excruciating. My throat felt like no kind of liquid had ever passed through it, ever. Even spit. I quickly tried to gather some saliva to send down. Man, that hurt.
And then, Twilight hugs. She had clung to my prone body, and was sobbing her pretty little eyes out. I would have comforted her, but I was still trying to figure out just what the hell had taken place. Why did the room look burnt? Why had the bed exploded? Where were my clothes? Why had I been looking down at myself? And why could I hear...my mom?
"Ryan...I'm so sorry...I...you almost...Oh, buck...s-sorry..." she choked through her sobs. Yeah, no kidding, Purple. First you help Luna...Sarah...manipulate my mind, now you stole me from Mom!
"Wha...what...hap...pened...?" I groaned. My voice sounded like I been smoking all of the cigarettes. Like, every one ever made, I had smoked it. Even the ones that others had smoked. Twilight sniffled and clung to me tighter. Oh, god, did her body feel weird against my bare skin. The only parts of me to have touched her before that point were my face and hands. Now I could feel her everywhere.
"You...almost went off..." she said quietly. I almost went off? The hell does that-
Oh. Yeah. I'm an unstable bomb.
And I let myself have a freak out.
...
Well, at least I know Sarah was telling the truth about that shit. Now I could at least be prepared to take it more seriously. By the way the room looked, the explosion really would be monstrous. I hadn't even fully cooked and the room was trashed. I just hoped Twilight hadn't gotten hurt...yeah, I was still mad at her, but I didn't want to cause her actual physical pain. I was hoping for more of a stern talking-to. Speaking of which...talking. Need something to help with that before I spank the purple pony.
And no, that's not a fucking innuendo for anything.
"Wa...ter...would be nice..." I choked out. Twilight blinked at me for a moment before nodding and running off. I just rested there, taking slow, deep breaths. The pain was slowly receding and my muscles felt less stitched together. It was like...my body was settling back into itself. At this point, I was pretty sure that it was doing exactly that. I had almost went off. Twilight had stabilized me and fixed my body. And that voice...if Luna could be Sarah...was my mom also a pony? Faint memories entered my mind regarding the dream conversation I had last night.
"As it is, you should have already disappeared and the memories of you should have gone back to your storyteller." Sarah's voice echoed in my head. The implications of what had just happened hit me like a ton of bricks.
Holy shit, that was probably my storyteller.
If that was indeed my storyteller, my creator, she used her voice in her head to portray my mom. That...is really creepy. Just then, Twilight burst back into the room, a glass of water held in her magic aura. That wasn't all she brought, however. Following behind her were the other five ponies I had come to know as good friends. Well, this was embarrassing. I'm not even dressed for the occassion-HOLY FUDGE ON A STICK, I'M NUDE.
My hands shot down to cover the goods I could thankfully feel once more, my arms aching in protest. Memories of last night's female session popped back into my head and just me even more sour. I was so going to flip Sarah's shit over that. How would she feel if I magic'd her limbs away or something? Urgh...thoughts for later. Right now I had to keep myself from flashing a group of adorably cuddly ponies with my junk. Twilight ran up to my side and floated the glass close. She was actually pretty smart about it. The glass had a cute little bendy straw sticking out of it and everything.
Almost reminded me of...the hospital...with Emily...
I choked up a bit, a stray tear finding its way down my cheek. The other ponies had been rather nervous about getting closer to me, and all seemed to be blushing deeply. But when they saw me crying, they moved forward quickly. While I slurped greedily on the straw, Fluttershy started flying around frantically. What was her deal? Oh, maybe she was taking a look at my body to make sure I wasn't injured. She looked over sick animals or some shit, right? Yeah, she's...Oh my god, that's adorable. She's carrying a tiny little first-aid kit in her mouth! Aww! Unfortunately for her, I don't think there was anything in that little box that could fix me. Thanks for the thought, though, Flutters.
"Ryan, are you okay? What happened?" asked the mass of pink that had parked itself right in front of my face. The shock of the sudden invasion caused me to sputter and almost inhale the water I had been drinking, sparking a coughing fit. Pinkie Pie was once again lifted away from me with magic, but this time it was Rarity who had saved me. She was looking over me, her face stuck in horror. Oh, geez, my clothes. She had loved them so much, and she didn't even get a sample of that denim. I had burned those away by accident...sorry for making you sad, Rarity.
But apparently that wasn't the problem.
She leapt down and wrapped her soft white legs around my neck. When she pulled me in close, I could feel her shaking slightly. Oh, no...she was crying. Please, don't let the others...
They are. All of them except for Applejack. Even Pinkie was tearing up a bit when she saw the state I had been in. The room told the story of what had transpired during the last fifteen minutes or so. I'm sure they all heard it as well. I am so fucking sick of making things cry. Sure, I hurt. Sure, I was just on the updraft after an emotional outburst so extreme I almost detonated. Sure, it was still tingly where my dick had disappeared during my dream the night earlier. But I was still me.
"Guess I'm hotter than I thought I was," was my crack at the time. Yeah, it was weak. I could have come up with much better had I not been butt-naked on top of the smoldering remains of what used to be a bed. To my relief, however, it seemed to work. The ponies all stopped crying and looked at me like I had two heads. Actually, three heads. Number two was being hidden by my hands. Rainbow Dash was the first to recover. She had a hoof over her face, but couldn't hide her smirk.
"Dork," she chuckled. The others tried not to smirk along with her, but it was a losing battle. They soon began to chuckle, despite the tears that were running down their faces. I tried to laugh along, but my mood quickly soured once more. I just couldn't be as bubbly as I usually was...not with everything that had been happening. The cuddle that Rarity was giving me was certainly helping, though. Twilight noticed my mood and tried to cuddle me, too. I flinched away from her. Her hurt expression was painful for me to see, but I needed to get this off of my chest.
"I'm mad at you, Twilight," I said flatly. The Princess's eyes shot open, still red from crying. The other mares all gave me confused looks before turning to their friend.
"What's he talkin' bout, Twi? What'd ya do?" Applejack asked. Twilight's head shot between her friends and me multiple times, her mouth trying to choke out some words. Finally, after it was obvious she wasn't going to manage speech, I sighed and tried sitting up. Oh, yeah, I'm still naked. Rarity was now hanging off of me, refusing to let go. Déjà Vu.
"We'll talk about it...but, um...do you have something I can wear, first?" I asked. Another one of those 'Squee' sounds was building up near my chin. Below, Rarity's smile was widening to almost Pinkie Pie levels, her eyes filled with stars once more. Oh, yeah, almost forgot. Rarity was probably dying to make her favorite human some clothes.
Unfortunately for her, Twilight was faster. With a flash of purple light, Twilight disappeared. I blinked at the spot where she had been standing, trying to rid my vision of the imprint the bright light had left in my eyes.
Huh. Well, there goes Twil- oop, she's back. Aaand I'm blind again. Fuck!
Something soft and light dropped into my lap, right on top of my hands. After blinking away the stars in my vision, I was stunned to see a set of clothes very similar to the ones I burned away. The only different was the...logo...plastered...on...the...side...oh shit, why did they sell Ryan-brand underwear?!
"Um...Twilight...?" I asked slowly, still staring at the new pile of clothes. The white mare around my neck was apparently hissing at them. Not up to your standards, Rarity? Interesting.
"Yes...?" she replied. Her face was bright red and her hooves were scuffing the floor nervously. The other ponies around her were giving her looks that ranged from confused to suspicious.
"Where...did you get these? And why do you...well, own them?" I looked up at the blushing alicorn, whose gaze was now firmly locked onto the floor of the room.
"They're, uh...part of my...collection," she said, her last word fading away to nothing. It was quiet, but still audible. My body froze, as did every other pony in the room. Did we just hear what we thought we heard?
Holy crap, Twilight had a collection of me-stuff. She had a pair of Ryan-model underpants...what could she even do with these? I could see the hoodie she had been wearing when she summoned me; that was a pony hoodie, designed for ponies. The clothes she just gave me...they were tailored for me exclusively. Then a strange thought hit me. And howdy-boy-shit did it frighten me.
"Twilight...you don't own...um...a 'replica' of me, do you?" I asked hesitantly. Please say no, please say no, please say no! I don't think I would be able to cuddle with her again if I found out she had been 'cuddling' with me long before I truly existed...
"Nonononono!" she shot out, waving her hooves frantically in front of her. Oh, thank fucking Jeebus... I let out the breath I was holding, becoming suddenly aware of the laughter that was filling the room. Rainbow Dash, of course, was getting endless enjoyment out of the interaction we just had. I wouldn't laugh so hard, Dashie. After all, Twilight's not the one who's going to be wearing panties~
"Laugh it up, Dash! We'll be going to Rarity's soon anyway for your 'fitting.'" This shut her up instantly. Now her face was just as red, if not more so, than Twilight's. Rarity looked up at me, her head tilted.
"What was that, dear?" she inquired. I just smiled at her and pointed over at the cowering prismatic pegasus.
"Dash and I made a bet to see how many ponies I would make faint. I won. Loser had to wear a dress around town for a whole day," I explained happily. Poor Rainbow Dash had tried to sink lower and lower with every word. The grin that had been adorning my face spread to the white fashionista as her head swiveled around to view Dash's trembling form.
"Oh, is that correct? I have so many ideas I've just been dying to try out on you, Rainbow Dash~" she sang. I wasn't even the target of her teasing and even I was frightened by the way she said that. Did...did I just murder Dashie? From the way the pegasus was trying to scoot away from the rest of us, I think I did. Sorry, Dash!
"I'm okay to go, I think...I need some clothes, too. Would you mind making me some, Rarity?" I asked, patting the glamorous mane of the white mare that was still clinging to me. The 'Squee' started coming back again. To combat this, I gently placed my finger to her lips and shook my head. "After I put these clothes on. There's no way I'm walking outside, naked, when I know that some other ponies might own underwear modeled after me." Rarity stopped her squeaking and nodded, but a blush still managed to work its way onto her face. I gently pried her from around my neck and placed her down next to her friends, careful to keep the pile of clothing covering me at all times. She turned around and tried to hug me, but I stopped her.
"Hup-hup-hup, nope. Clothes, first. Cuddles, after." She pouted a bit at this, but a quick lift of my eyebrow sent her trotting to the door of the room. Her friends all followed her outside in order to give me some privacy; all except for one.
Twilight.
Good, I needed to talk to her anyway about the whole 'magic mind rape' thing she had done to me. That shit was not cool. She was just standing there, her eyes focused on something. It took me a moment to figure out she was staring at the pile of clothes on my lap, her eyes begging for the clothes to move just a little bit. Huh, guess she forgot to sneak a peek back when shit was going down. Her loss, I'm not giving her a show, especially after knowing that she owned a model of my usual outfit. Including the goddamn underwear. God, it bothered the hell out of me that they sold stuff like that.
A quick clearing of my throat got her attention. She blinked up at me, almost in a daze. When she saw my slightly stern expression, her eyes widened back open and she became her usual attentive self.
"Uh, yeah, I gotta change. Could you turn around for a sec?" I asked her, my hands pressing down on the clothes so that absolutely nothing could be visible. Twilight's eyes darted from side to side as she nodded. What was that about? When she turned around, though, I saw why. She had tried to stealthily float a small mirror up to face, aiming it right behind her...where I was sitting. Luckily, I hadn't moved yet so the only thing she saw was my unimpressed glare staring back at her.
She yipped and dropped the mirror, sending it to the ground where it smashed into dozens of glass shards. Wonderful. I don't even have shoes yet- oh, nevermind. She had a replica set of those, too. I sighed and waited until she was perfectly still before sliding the underwear on. After those, I took my time a bit more. Twilight was busy shuffling her hooves around.
"So...why are you mad at me...?" she asked. Oh, god, she sounded terrified. I almost wanted to run up and hug her to make her feel better, but this conversation had to happen. For the sake of my goddamn future sanity.
"Because you messed with my mind, Twi," I answered, trying to keep my voice emotionless. Inside, I was pretty goddamn angry about it, but I didn't truly think it was Twilight that was at fault. At least, not at too much fault. She flinched from where she stood. I guess she had expected it to be something involving last night.
"I'm sorry, Ryan!" she blurted out. "I was just trying to keep you safe...from yourself..." Okay, I didn't know what to feel anymore. She probably did save me from having an earlier freak-out. Now that I had seen the destructive power of what I could become, I couldn't entirely blame her.
"Twilight...did Luna make you do that?" I asked. The purple alicorn froze for a moment before slowly nodding. Just as I had expected. Sarah probably either forced or guilted the poor pony into using that forceful calm spell on me. A sigh escaped my lips as I slid my new hoodie on. The clothes were...similar, but different at the same time. The hoodie felt mostly the same, just a bit smaller than I was used to. The pants, however, felt way off. They looked close enough, but the fake denim was really weird. Almost felt like lounge pants. They were actually really comfy, but not jeans. The shoes were a size too small, but would work until Rarity could make me some.
"Aren't you a Princess, too? You don't have to let her shove you around, you know...do things your own way. Thanks for the thought, though. You might have kept me calm, but...just, fuck. I hate feeling like someone else, Twi..." I was losing track of my original irk at this point. Everything was just so jumbled and confusing...Twilight turned around to look at me, her eyes turning from guilt to concern. What? Was something on me?
"Is...something else wrong? You seem...down..." she contemplated. I just gave her a tired smirk and ran my fingers through my hair.
"Yeah, I'm finally accepting that I wasn't real until a couple days ago. I wasn't real, my family's still not real...and I'm not entirely convinced I'm real, even now," I told her. She tilted her head at that last part.
"What do you mean?" she asked. I just sighed and looked at the floor, trying to put words to my thoughts.
"I just...I was so sure everything was real before I came here. Who's to say that this isn't the same situation? What if...I...we're all just pieces in someone else's story? Again? I...I don't know anymore, Twilight...it's just really...really scary..." I was starting to shiver again. Twilight quickly trotted up to me and wrapped herself around my shivering form. Ahhh...that's nice...I didn't care if she messed up, she had the best of intentions, honestly. Sarah had probably intimidated her into doing it. I knew Sarah, she was assertive like that.
"Ryan...we all still cared about you before you came here. Even then, you were real to us." Huh, that saying again. I wonder if it actually applied more to my situation than I thought...these ponies, man. I wondered if these creatures ate, drank and shat love.
"Thanks, Twi...I'm sorry for scaring you with the whole explosion thing...and I forgive you for messing with my mind. Well, on the condition that if Luna tells you to do anything like that again, you tell her that Ryan said to stuff it." Twilight got a little laugh at this and nodded.
"What did she even do to you in your sleep? You were moaning...so much...she...Luna threatened to do the same to me if I let you wake up before morning." Oh, did she, now? Sarah, you're getting in some deep shit, here. We're definitely going to have a looong talk next time we see each other.
"She changed my gender," I told her with a grimace. Twilight blinked for a few moments before the largest blush I'd ever goddamn seen on any living creature spread across her cheeks. Whoa, she's turning purple. Oh, yeah. She was that color already. I guess she was imagining herself with a big ol' schlong between her legs for an entire night. Yeah, gender changing was messed up if you weren't consenting. I remember trying to enjoy it, but no. It was just traumatizing.
"C'mon, Twi. I think the others already left for Rarity's place. Guess everybody just has to see Dash get dressed up," I said, smiling down at the flustered princess. She smiled up at me and nodded. I stood up, once again towering above the little equine. Together, we walked out of the door and out of the castle.
Whoa.
This was the first time I had actually been out of the castle. The air here was so...fresh. And holy fuck, the colors. Seeing the town through a window from a distance was one thing, but actually being there...man. The environment was pretty much the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. The sun, the grass, the trees, the...many, many multi-color ponies walking around. Seeing a sea of ponies just going about their business in the daylight was truly a sight to behold. I tried making a list of all the colors I could spot. I kept going until somewhere around Macaroni before I got a color-induced headache and stopped.
"Wyan!" shouted an adorably familiar voice. A huge smile spread across my face. I spun around slowly, kneeling down to meet the tiny unicorn filly. Dinky hopped up into my arms, snuggling against my new hoodie. Just behind her, the pegasus mare from last night trotted up to me with a smile.
"I see you're doing better, Ryan!" she said. Aw, her voice was so bubbly! She just seemed like a happy pony all around. Her cutie mark was...bubbles. How amazingly suitable for her. I ran my fingers through Dinky's mane while smiling at the mare in front of me.
"Yes, ma'am! I didn't get your name last night," I told her. She just smiled again and held her hoof out.
"I'm Derpy!" she proudly stated, her one eye still locked on something way off to the side. I...I hope that wasn't actually her name. That was kind of dickish if that word held the same meaning here as it did on Earth. Oh, well. She doesn't seem too offended by it, so I guess it's fine. I quickly took her hoof in my hand and shook it firmly. Derpy beamed up at me and giggled. Adorable.
"I see my little muffin said hello already," Derpy said as she walked up and patted Dinky's back. I laughed a bit and held the little filly up. She started making the cutest little 'Weeee!' sounds. I was powerless against my new hat. I had to follow her command, so I placed Dinky upon my head and stood up.
"Whooooaaaa!" she exclaimed, looking around with an excited glint in her eyes. "You're so tall, Wyan!" Oh my god, can I be a dad, like, right now? I wanted a kid of my own to ride around on my head and tell me how tall I was. But...I guess that wasn't going to happen, being the only real human. No, nope. Not time for sad thoughts. We got a Dashie to embarrass! And with that, I resumed my walk towards Rarity's place. I didn't know where the fuck anything was, so I had to wait for Twilight and Derpy to walk ahead of me. They chatted a little bit about shit I didn't care about. I had something much more exciting: my own Dinky hat! I wore her proudly, marching through the streets of Ponyville like I owned the place.
"This is Wyan!" Dinky shouted at every pony we passed. It took all of my concentration to not burst out laughing every single time she said it. The looks on the faces of the ponies who hadn't seen me at the party were priceless. After a little while, we had a crowd of ponies following us. Well, mainly me. More than once, I had to stop to talk to some pony who had brought out some piece of merchandise from my show that they just had to show me. It was so cute; each one was like a kid who was proud of a new toy and had to show every passing stranger. Luckily, nothing I was shown was too creepy.
One little colt had brought me a pen with the name OtherWorld on it. Huh, I guess that was the name of the show. Kept forgetting it. Anyway, he didn't seem to know what the hell it was. I doubt any ponies could even use one, save for the unicorns. They were all thrilled when I clicked it open and started signing some of the gifts that they had shown me. Dinky had been sitting on my head the whole time, dictating which pony would get an autograph next. It was like I had my own little referee on my noggin. Poor Twilight and Derpy had to wait until the line went away before we could continue to Rarity's. I offered them a sheepish smile as compensation.
Even Dinky got to show her mother the autograph I had left on the side of her Ryan doll, which she had apparently wrapped around her neck like a necklace. Derpy just gave me a small hug before we continued on our way. She really did seem like an awesome mom.
This day started off rough, but after the crowd of ponies asking for my attention and signature, I had been feeling loads better. It lifted my spirits so much to make ponies smile...I had been making too many cry lately. I just hoped this helped make up for it somewhat. As long as I was around these sweet ponies, I felt more stable than I had since...I don't know, ever?
We finally managed to reach Rarity's place. Oh, yeah, the place looked like a carousel. That was probably where the white mare had gotten the idea to name it Carousel Boutique from. Makes sense to me. I picked up a protesting Dinky from my head and set her down on Derpy's back.
"No! I want to stay with you!" she whined. I just ran my hand through her mane one more time and gave her a friendly smile.
"Sorry, Dinks. Got some business in here and I'm pretty sure Dash doesn't want it getting around," I explained, more to Derpy than to Dinky. The mother mare got the hint and nodded, giving both Twilight and me a parting hug before setting off. I saw Dinky complaining the whole time, but she luckily didn't defy her parent. I looked after the two longingly...I wished I could have a family. I was really looking forward to having one at some point...and- Shit, I started doing it again. I gave my head a quick shake and follow Twilight inside-
-and promptly burst into laughter. Inside, Rarity was trying her hardest to pry Rainbow Dash away from the window she had been trying to escape out of. This shit was gold. I wished Twilight had created me with a phone or something, this scene begged to be preserved. But no such luck was had. I would just have to treasure it as it took place.
"NO! Let me go!" shouted Dash, her hooves barely wrapped around the window. Her blue wings were flapping so fast that I could barely see them. Rarity was using both her magic and her mouth in her attempt to pull her prismatic friend back into her clutches. I just strutted over to the fashionista.
"Yo, mind if I go first?" I asked her nonchalantly. This broke Rarity's concentration and she accidentally let go of Dash. Poor Rainbow was sent sailing into the wall at full speed, firmly planting herself into it.
"Oooh..." we all went at the same time. That looked like it fucking hurt. But what do I know? I launched myself into a crystal wall and cracked the damn thing. Cartoon physics, man. The blue pegasus slid down the wall in a comedic style. Woo, that's almost funny enough to laugh at. Which is probably why I had been busting a gut.
"BWAHAHAHAAAAAA!~" I sang in the song of my people. Pinkie must have fed off of laughter or something, because at my outburst, she started bouncing around the room at the speed of...laughs, I guess. Rarity cleared her throat from behind us, drawing our attention.
"Yes, well...step up on this platform, Mr. Burbank. Let momma take your measurements~" Oh my god. Now she had directed her insatiable lust for disturbing the hell out of things towards me.
"I...I need an adult...?" I choked. Rarity just gave the biggest shit-eating grin ever and moved closer with half-lidded eyes. She had armed herself with a tape-measure of death. I was doomed.
"Oh, Ryan, darling. I am an-" she was cut off by the jingle of the door opening.
All the ponies in the room turned to look at the doorway. A younger looking stallion stepped through, his eyes fixed forward. He had some kind of adorable pony business suit on, with a long rip through it. Yeesh. Looked like he got in some kind of scuffle. Rarity suddenly remembered that this building was her place of business and greeted him.
"Just take a seat, darling~ I'll be with you as soon as I can!" she said cheerily at the new customer. The stallion put on a small smile and looked up at Rarity, who was working right next to my body.
"Of course, Miss Rar..." he voice cut off when he saw me. His eyes grew wide and his pupils got cold...something about shriveled nuts. I don't know, I couldn't focus on jokes with the weird stallion staring at me like a piece of meat. Oh, please don't tell me he wanted my body for some personal human fetish or something.
Yep, there's the drool.
And...the hell? His horn was leaking. A bunch of weird currency symbols were spouting from his forehead like a geyser. Okay, that's now the weirdest shit I've seen since I got here. And I saw boobs sprout from my chest.
Was that what a bit looked like? Weird. Now the stallion was moving closer, his eyes shining and locked on me.
Please go away. Shoo. Bad male horsie.
"Exemplar," was all he said through his drooling lips.
...
I NEED AN ADULT!
